At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
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