Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
