We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Randomize