FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
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