so let's talk penis.
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
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