I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
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