he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
