Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
Randomize
