Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
Randomize
