So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Randomize
