i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
