My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
Randomize
