His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
