"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Randomize
