We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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