Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
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