ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
We left the knife in your bed.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Randomize
