Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
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