I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Randomize