I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
you are never too drunk for berry picking
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
Randomize
