I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
