I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
Randomize
