I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
