I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize