Ambien. No doubt about it.
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
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