I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
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