we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
Randomize
