i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
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