Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
