I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
