I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
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