People in love make me want to vomit
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
