I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
Randomize
