No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
Randomize
