her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
Randomize
