the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
