I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
windsor, ontario is like a poor man's amsterdam
no, it is just poor
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
