i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Randomize
