I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
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