birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize