I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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