If i come over, it means nothing
Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
Randomize
