I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Randomize
