Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
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