Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
