The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
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