You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
I need a burrito and a hug.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
