I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
Randomize
