I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Randomize
