i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
