Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
i need some magic done to my vagina
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
