Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
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