atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
Randomize
