i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
