So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
