She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
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