i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
