She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
sarcasm needs its own font
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
