You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
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