I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
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