nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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