yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Randomize
