No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
