Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
Hey
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GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
