windsor, ontario is like a poor man's amsterdam
no, it is just poor
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
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