This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
Randomize
