I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
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