mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
Randomize
