god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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